i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
