I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize