So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
