Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
