can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize