her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
