well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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