I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
