Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
