I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my being single is dangerous.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
