No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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