If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
should my penis look like a turkey
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
