What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
