dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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