Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
