Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Even my vagina gasped.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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