I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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