i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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