I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
