One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
