Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
