I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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