The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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