Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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