and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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