i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
