how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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