i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
