just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
