I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
