tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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