I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
