Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
