don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
