She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
