If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
