The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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