I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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