i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
