Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
