I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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