Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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