You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
