It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
