We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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