I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
