shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
