He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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