Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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