A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
