i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
