masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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