Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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