I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
