The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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