Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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