Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
