"it" just moved
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
