i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
