I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
