Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
