...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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