my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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