Nicole vs. Life
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
