That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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