Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize