Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
