remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
