He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
