i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
