my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
