i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
