Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
