I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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