Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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