I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
