today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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