Got a toothbrush?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize