Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
