I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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