I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
