Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
