3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
