I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize