I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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