I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
