I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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