I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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