I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
