It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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