I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
