My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
