I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
