We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
