apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
