Umm I'm too high to move.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
