No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never underestimate the power of titties
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
