is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I skipped work to stalk him.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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