...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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