I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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