Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
