god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
