Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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