Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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